I have come to learn that myself from a year ago and myself of now are two different people.
Not in the same, people change, grow up, maturity kind of way though. I am actually a new person simply with the same name and outer looks, but my insides have been all jumbled up, ripped out, and replaced with new things.
Even myself from now has different memories as I have tampered with them to protect me from what used to be my reality.
Bottling things up doesn’t make you stronger than anybody else. It’s simply a different way of handling your situation.
My flashbacks have gotten worse, more terrifying, because I have done better at protecting myself. I really, truly trick myself into forgetting all these things happened and believing I really am OK, my protection has been so strong, but when I slip up and a panic hits it breaks past and hits so much harder.
It’s scary because I wasn’t her but all you have to do is tell me the basic outline of your story and suddenly I am, and it’s so easy because I almost was her, there were only a slight difference in the plot line.
And I put myself as her and it absolutely destroys me.
Sometimes acknowledging your feelings and breaking down is stronger than holding it in because you can at least admit all your weaknesses and where they have come from.
I’m trying to comprehend why or how you could do those things to her but it doesn’t work because I don’t know why they happened to me.
It doesn’t make sense and I know that you expect me to be disgusted by you and think horrible things but I don’t, I’m just so so confused.
It’s all too real for me.
“I don’t want this to stop us from falling so deeply in love that we move in together and get a cat and wear classy sweaters”
oh my god you are perfect for me
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